Consider the Jasmine...

My favorite flower/plant/tree/bush in the world is the night blooming Jasmine. Aside from the smell of rain, and perhaps a clean baby, there is no sweeter fragrance than that which a Jasmine can provide. I have tried growing Jasmine bushes in various places around our yard but somewhere between the 111 degree summers and the 17 degree winters, most have met their doom.

However there was one Jasmine in particular that seemed to show more stamina than the rest. Since we transplanted it and moved in 9 years ago, this jasmine hadn't quite died, but it sure hadn't grown. It pretty much just stayed the same size and laid low to the ground with a few hard, dry leaves. I had remembered hearing that some plants, the crawling, viney types, only grow when they have something to grow "up". So about a year ago, we decided to put in a trellis for our night blooming Jasmine in hopes that it might at least look taller. Within a year, this Jasmine has thrived like never before! It has already swallowed up the one trellis and is currently needing another one to carry it over the front door and down the other side. The astonishing part is that the only element that has changed was the addition of the trellis. It still receives no fertilizer, no pruning and it gets the same amount of water as before. But now it has new growth constantly and for all intent and purposes, it gives the effect that I have a really big green thumb. I love this Jasmine! It's so large and vivacious that no one even notices the dead flowers laying all around it.

In our parenting class this past Wednesday night, we were talking about the Bible study series going on called "Flourish" and the lesson was referencing a trellis, and relating it to spiritual growth. When raising children, and in adults lives, structure is not a bad thing! Some people will say that providing guidelines and boundaries will stunt a child's emotional and social growth but in fact, like a plant with a trellis, structure gives a person framework, strength, support and stability. There is actually more growth, especially spiritually, when these essential components are provided in a child's life.

In its first several years, we allowed our Jasmine to grow however it wanted. We offered it nothing on which to hold on to, and so it remained wild and stunted. As soon as we hiked up its vines and attached them to the trellis, it was finally receiving the support it had been needing all along. 

Children desperately need the framework of moral character and spiritual development in order to grow and thrive. Structure "lifts" them up and helps them to stand tall and strong while "holding" them together.

Hosea 14:7 says it so beautifully with the verse, "They that dwell under His shadow shall return; they shall revive as the corn, and grow as the vine..." 

I don't know very much about corn but what a lovely metaphor this is of the Father's care for us. We are shadowed under Him, protected from the harsh sun and elements. It says we will be "revived". Our Heavenly Father will never let His plants die! Sometimes He will "prune", and this may feel like he has abandoned us, but these times are so that in our next season, we will come back, stronger than before. Like our languishing Jasmine was revived, so we will be revived under his care and guidance. In Him alone, we will grow like the vine, a beautiful, thriving plant, flourishing under the Father's loving care and support. An example to others of the goodness of God and the blessings that come with obeying and serving Him.

Growing Kids God's Way

For the last three weeks Sean and I have been taking a parenting class at church called "Growing Kids God's Way". 

 So far we have learned about establishing a foundation for your kids. 

Parents need to set a moral bar in which their children can grow to reach. Parents should hold all their children accountable for reaching this bar despite the children's individual personalities or disabilities.  

By using the metaphor of a child being likened to a house, it describes the personality of the child as being the type of house. They could be a ranch style, a Tudor style, a two story, etc...it doesn't matter what kind of house they are, all homes need a strong foundation and the quality and craftsmanship of how the house is built is a depiction of the upbringing a child receives. Just because a child has a challenging personality or a disability does not mean they should be held any less accountable for displaying good moral character. 

Every human being is responsible for being kind, and good and honest. A difficult personality does not make someone exempt from these absolutes. So different children in one home should never have different standards to meet.

They told the story of a little girl who had her well loved, favorite doll that she took everywhere. One night she let her daddy hold her precious doll and as he looked at the doll, he saw how tattered and ragged she was but he also saw how precious the doll was to his daughter and so that affected the way that he in turn viewed the doll because despite the dolls defects, he showed the doll tenderness because of how his daughter loved the doll. 

This is a picture of how we need to treat our spouse, children and family. We love others because of the love that we know Jesus has for each of us. We treat other people special because they have value in Jesus' eyes no matter how they appear to us. Therefore it is necessary to teach kids to recognize that their brothers and sisters and the people they come in contact with are precious to Jesus and so therefore must be loved and valued on that premise. 

 We learned about how crucial the husband/wife relationship is in establishing a strong family unit. 

A family actually consists of just a husband and a wife. When God finished making man and woman in the garden, God said it was good and complete. Children are welcome members of the family and they enhance a family but they are not necessary. 

Often times when children sleep poorly and continue to come into the parents bedroom at night, it is because the child rarely sees the mother and father together during the day in the context of a relationship. Moms and dads work during the day and often times "trade off" in the evening, leaving the children in the care of one or the other but rarely together before the child's bedtime. Children as young as a few months old will have sleep disorders when there is fighting or inconsistency in their parents relationship. Subconsciously, these little ones will need to reassure themselves that their parents relationship is secure so they often wake at night to see their parents together to assure themselves that everything is OK, because if the parents split up, the only life they know will be shattered. 

The lesson suggested that parents implement a habit of "couch time". Everyday, the mom and dad needs to come together and sit on the couch or somewhere the kids can see them and just talk to each other, telling the children that they are not to interrupt the parents during these quality times. This sets the precedent that the marriage relationship comes first, and this gives the kids reassurance that that their parents relationship is strong. The end result of "couch time" is children who sleep through the night and and preform better in school and they have less stress worrying about their home life. 

By turning your home from "child centered" to a "family centered" home you will reduce selfish behaviors in the children. Emphasizing team work and putting the children in their proper roles will reduce "me-ism". Children should not rule the family, the order should be God, the parents and then the children.

The 5 languages of Love, a formerly popular book which tells about five ways that people express love to others, was reintroduced as a tool of making sure that your spouse and children are feeling loved in the way that they can feel it most effectively. The 5 languages of love are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Gift Giving. All of these expressions of love have been demonstrated by Christ for our benefit and for our example. Christ gave the ultimate gift to us by dying n the cross. Christ spoke words of healing and hope, He touched people and healed people with His hands. Christ spent quality time with His disciples, teaching them and answering their questions and calming their fears. People all have strengths and weaknesses in demonstrating each of these "languages". 

Sometimes married people speak opposite languages and consequently they both feel unappreciated and unloved in a relationship. These misunderstandings can sometimes be remedied by simply finding out the language that your spouse or child convey and receives love in and making sure that you are showing them love everyday in ways that they understand best.

I'm so thankful that God knows what we have need of and how He opens doors for us to receive good training and help in these areas that benefit us most. 

The iphone: A Lesson on the Apps of God

 The Gavin Family is proud to announce the arrival of its two new family members...

Our Apple iphones. 

Not to be mistaken for a frivolous purchase, this was indeed a necessity because my old phone stopped working momentarily. When I called Verizon, they were generous enough to allow me the opportunity to renew my contract early and choose a new phone. 

So after .003 seconds of consideration, I decided that the iphone was the only practical choice. 

In a burst of generosity, while under the influence of giddy excitement, I ordered Sean one too! 

(Note: After my order was placed, my old phone started working again, a minor detail Sean did not need to be informed of. All the more reason to get a new phone, I reminded myself, I can not be expected to have a phone that can not decide if its going to work or quit).

Our excitement lasted until the phones came. The first few days of transitioning was not fun. Apple and Verizon were equally lax in informing us that an iphone needs a speedy computer to accompany it. The touch screen rendered my texting and driving abilities null and void. 

I lost half my contacts and gained all of Sean's for some reason. 

We both spent many hours neglecting the kids while talking to tech support and setting up our phones to accommodate our contacts, music, calendars, photos, games, apps and overall personalities. 

I considered the irony of how the iphone is said to make life easier and bring people together in ways like never before. I suppose the latter is true because our children sidle up to us now, in uncommon shows of affection, to ask if they can play "Angry Bird". 

In this life, we are constantly being distracted with new technology and cutting edge ideas and diversions. While these things do have their proper place and can be useful, I have no doubt that Satan is still delighted with just how many thing there are to distract us. Satan will not hesitate to use "good things" as another way to take our eyes off of Jesus. As Christians, we need to always put Jesus first.  Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you".

I am guilty of letting my busy life pull me here and there while I try to keep up and stay sane. Then at the end of the day, I offer Jesus what few minutes I have left until exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep. 

Yet I have spend the majority of my day with my iphone in my hand or within a close proximity of my person, using all of its features to make my life easier. By the end of the day my phone battery power is at 10% so I plug it in and give it a break.

I feel God asking me...What if at the end of the day my spiritual iphone had been maxed out? 

What if I had utilized every possible resource and app that God had given me to use? 

What if I spent more time asking God to direct my paths, instead of Maps? 

We are constantly searching for ways to simplify our lives, looking for shortcuts so we can maximize our effort while reducing the time it takes. Yet we rarely use the life tools that God has given us to live stress free, more abundantly,with joy unspeakable and fearless freedom!

Who wouldn't download an app that promised all that? 

We need to focus more on the spiritual things in life, enhancing the things that matter and have value, and not being so consumed with the trivial. In a year, my iphone will be outdated but the things of God will never stop being effective!

Unlike Verizon, Jesus is always offering free service to anyone who is willing. There are no dead zones, you will never run out of minutes, and you have unlimited access to life changing apps. Jesus is just waiting for us to open up our Bible's and use the tools He has already made available to us through His sacrifice on the cross. 

Make the Bible more than an app downloaded to your iphone. Don't let it just sit there, tap into it and bring some ipeace and ilight into your world!

Going Gray: A Lesson in Character

It was a Sunday like any other Sunday. I got up. Wandered around with my coffee for a bit and then went into the bathroom to begin my Sunday morning beauty routine. It was when I began brushing my hair that I saw it.

Smack in the center of my head, a pure silver hair grew. Refusing to go the way of the other blonde hairs and displaying all the typical characteristics of the elderly, it stood up, crooked and bent, practically shouting to be noticed.  

It was bold. It was wiry. It was GRAY.

What do I do!!??

My mind raced. The gray hair stared back at me in the mirror...reminding me that the time for mature behavior had officially arrived.

"SEEEEAAAAANNNNN!!!!! GET IN HEEEERE! I NEEEEED YOU NOWWWW!"

Within seconds Sean stood in the doorway, one shoe on his foot and the other poised in his hand ready to whack whatever bug I was screaming about.

"Oh my gosh...I  have a gray hair! On my head!!" Oh dear, I can't believe this is happening to me! I told you this is what comes of having birthdays! This is what happens when you go beyond 30!!!!"

Unimpressed, the family wanders away. Jubilee remained to give me a comforting pat. "Awwww mommy, it's OK, your still cute."

I stare in the mirror. "Lord, you said the hairs of my head are numbered...so you might want to make an adjustment to that figure because this hair is LEAVING!"

Most godly women I know desire to be like the woman described in Proverbs 31. She has so many beautiful characteristics and it says her price is far above jewels. She is godly, poised, trustworthy, and distinguished. I decided to go back and read the passage again to see if she might have had gray hairs too perhaps.

As I read, I felt God impress upon my heart that the characteristics of this lovely woman did not come overnight. These types of qualities take a long time to establish and mature. 

Our pastor said once that no one can increase the speed in which an oak tree grows, nor can anyone speed up the process in which God molds the character of His people. 

This proverbian woman is obviously well established, she has a large family and household. She has a thriving business. Based on these facts, I'm pretty sure she probably had a silver hair or two. 

However, we can see that gray hair and wrinkles dosen't hinder her service to God, to her family and to her community. In fact the only mention of beauty in the entire passage says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30.

I pray, "Lord, let me always desire to please you first and may my life and appearance be a tribute to only you. Let me not become a slave to youth and beauty and vanity because it is fleeting and deceptive and there are so many other more important qualities I want to have fully developed someday. Help me to be a good example to my daughters that they may know their true value and lovliness as they learn to grow more beautiful in You everyday".

I left the gray hair in place until I could show my mother. 

And then I pulled it out. 

And then I asked mother if she wanted to put it in my baby book.