Growing Kids God's Way

For the last three weeks Sean and I have been taking a parenting class at church called "Growing Kids God's Way". 

 So far we have learned about establishing a foundation for your kids. 

Parents need to set a moral bar in which their children can grow to reach. Parents should hold all their children accountable for reaching this bar despite the children's individual personalities or disabilities.  

By using the metaphor of a child being likened to a house, it describes the personality of the child as being the type of house. They could be a ranch style, a Tudor style, a two story, etc...it doesn't matter what kind of house they are, all homes need a strong foundation and the quality and craftsmanship of how the house is built is a depiction of the upbringing a child receives. Just because a child has a challenging personality or a disability does not mean they should be held any less accountable for displaying good moral character. 

Every human being is responsible for being kind, and good and honest. A difficult personality does not make someone exempt from these absolutes. So different children in one home should never have different standards to meet.

They told the story of a little girl who had her well loved, favorite doll that she took everywhere. One night she let her daddy hold her precious doll and as he looked at the doll, he saw how tattered and ragged she was but he also saw how precious the doll was to his daughter and so that affected the way that he in turn viewed the doll because despite the dolls defects, he showed the doll tenderness because of how his daughter loved the doll. 

This is a picture of how we need to treat our spouse, children and family. We love others because of the love that we know Jesus has for each of us. We treat other people special because they have value in Jesus' eyes no matter how they appear to us. Therefore it is necessary to teach kids to recognize that their brothers and sisters and the people they come in contact with are precious to Jesus and so therefore must be loved and valued on that premise. 

 We learned about how crucial the husband/wife relationship is in establishing a strong family unit. 

A family actually consists of just a husband and a wife. When God finished making man and woman in the garden, God said it was good and complete. Children are welcome members of the family and they enhance a family but they are not necessary. 

Often times when children sleep poorly and continue to come into the parents bedroom at night, it is because the child rarely sees the mother and father together during the day in the context of a relationship. Moms and dads work during the day and often times "trade off" in the evening, leaving the children in the care of one or the other but rarely together before the child's bedtime. Children as young as a few months old will have sleep disorders when there is fighting or inconsistency in their parents relationship. Subconsciously, these little ones will need to reassure themselves that their parents relationship is secure so they often wake at night to see their parents together to assure themselves that everything is OK, because if the parents split up, the only life they know will be shattered. 

The lesson suggested that parents implement a habit of "couch time". Everyday, the mom and dad needs to come together and sit on the couch or somewhere the kids can see them and just talk to each other, telling the children that they are not to interrupt the parents during these quality times. This sets the precedent that the marriage relationship comes first, and this gives the kids reassurance that that their parents relationship is strong. The end result of "couch time" is children who sleep through the night and and preform better in school and they have less stress worrying about their home life. 

By turning your home from "child centered" to a "family centered" home you will reduce selfish behaviors in the children. Emphasizing team work and putting the children in their proper roles will reduce "me-ism". Children should not rule the family, the order should be God, the parents and then the children.

The 5 languages of Love, a formerly popular book which tells about five ways that people express love to others, was reintroduced as a tool of making sure that your spouse and children are feeling loved in the way that they can feel it most effectively. The 5 languages of love are Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Gift Giving. All of these expressions of love have been demonstrated by Christ for our benefit and for our example. Christ gave the ultimate gift to us by dying n the cross. Christ spoke words of healing and hope, He touched people and healed people with His hands. Christ spent quality time with His disciples, teaching them and answering their questions and calming their fears. People all have strengths and weaknesses in demonstrating each of these "languages". 

Sometimes married people speak opposite languages and consequently they both feel unappreciated and unloved in a relationship. These misunderstandings can sometimes be remedied by simply finding out the language that your spouse or child convey and receives love in and making sure that you are showing them love everyday in ways that they understand best.

I'm so thankful that God knows what we have need of and how He opens doors for us to receive good training and help in these areas that benefit us most.