The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 6

In December of 2009 we passed our home inspection and we received our official certificate of approval.

It said, right on the certificate, that Sean and Jacquelyn Gavin were officially approved for the placement of Summer. Our heart skipped a beat because it was so exciting to daydream about Summer actually coming to live with us. We did not let ourselves get too excited though because we knew that CPS was inspecting other homes too.

Through all this waiting, we kept going back and forth on how far we should go to petition for her. We had mixed reviews from friends and family members. Some were already planning Summer's Welcome Home party while others were telling us it wasn't God's will. I tried to suppress my anger at the naysayers, because maybe it wasn't God's will and they had a clue and we didn't.

God had told me "I Know" and to settle myself down but he had not said, "OK". 

when I searched my motives, I honestly felt, that from Day 1, we had never acted, we had only reacted to the events that were taking place. I certainly did not want to be orchestrating something that God did not have planned for us. I knew what my desires were but I still wanted God's will to be done. I resolved myself again to not push it. If it happened, it would be God doing, not ours. So we just went on about our life and we just waited. Even though I wanted to call CPS everyday.

It turns out, we received a call instead. It was another worker assigned to Summer's case. She had me repeat our story again and she let me know that she was working on Summer's "reunification plan". This was a very detailed time line of what would happen before Summer turned 2. As a part of this plan, CPS would decide on a permanent placement for Summer, while the parents completed classes and worked toward the goal of getting their daughter back. CPS did not want to keep moving a baby  around, so Summer would remain in foster care until she could be placed in one permanent home.

From there, she would either 1. Go home with her parents, or 2. Be adopted by the family.

For this reason, the permanent placement home had to be perfect.

This home was responsible for supporting the birth parents in their recovery, they had to be willing to take the child to all visits, and be willing to adopt if the parents did not meet the requirements in the set period of time. CPS let us know that Summer's current foster family did not want to adopt her, because of her potential problems. If the foster family had wanted her, she would have stayed there for good. However they didn't so CPS was now going to decide who would be Summer's permanent placement family and it was currently a choice between us and Summer's lesbian aunt. CPS warned us that Summer's parents were both diagnosed as being Bi-Polar and they had other mental illnesses. They told us that Summer was exposed to drugs and they wanted to make sure that we knew what we were getting into before they considered us for placement. They reminded us that we could not change our mind years down the line if things became too tough.

We said we understood the risks and we were still interested in having her live with us and we would absolutely adopt her if the opportunity came.

The worker reminded me that family members had priority and she told us there was going to be a court date coming up but she told us not to bother to come. Nothing crucial would be decided at this hearing, she said. I asked her if we were allowed to go and she said yes but she emphasized that it was not necessary. Sean and I wanted to know what was going on though, so I decided to go and take Cristal with me for backup.

We can't remember the exact date of this court visit but it was in the first few months of 2010. That morning, Sean had to go to work and so I went alone. I was so nervous and my anxiety increased as I tried to get to the court house in San Bernardino, with the freeway closed. We were supposed to be there at 8am and I could see that I was not going to make it on time. I was freaking out and Cristal was trying to help me with directions.

  Sure enough, I was late and my hands were shaking as I signed in. On the sign-in sheet I saw that Summer's mom and Dad was there already. I had never met her dad and I was actually quite terrified to be making his acquaintance, having heard all the sordid details surrounding him. We all had to wait in a big waiting room and I tried my best to hide behind Cristal. Cristal knew both parents so when they saw her, they were excited, probably thinking that she had come to show her support for them at court. I shrunk into my seat as her dad came and sat with us.

Summer's mom, however, knew who I was and she knew exactly why I was there, so she avoided us and sat with her boyfriend.

Summer's dad had no clue who I was.

He wasn't near as scary as I had envisioned him to be. He was shorter than me, with a chunky build, and he walked with a rather goofy stride as he tried to hold his pants up. He chatted away to Cristal, fresh out of prison and full of bravado. He smirked and bragged. I knew now where Summer got her chunk-a-dunk thighs. Summer's mom could have been quite lovely, she had beautiful eyes which Summer inherited.

Dad glanced at me several times, no doubt wondering who I was and why I was with Cristal, but he never asked any questions.

I realized that just because CPS said to be somewhere at 8am, didn't mean they actually had any intention of calling us before 11am. For almost 3 hours I sat in anxiety, listening to Summer's dad talk about his exploits and waiting for the bailiff to call us back.

In the time I was there, Summer's mother put on quite a show for us. At one point she ran up to Cristal and said, "I just can't do this! I can't win her back! I'm just going to let her go." and she ran out of the room. Her boyfriend followed her out.

After a bit, she came back in, smiling.

Her boyfriend had told her to get back in there and get her kid. Mom was delighted that she had snagged such a sentimental guy. She beamed as she told Cristal and Summer's dad how thoughtful the new fellow was and how they lived in his car but that was OK with her.

She said at least this guy didn't BEAT her like SOME people did.

I assume this comment was directed toward Summer's dad because he mumbled something about women who DESERVE to get beat.

Finally we got the call back and we all trooped into the court room. I don't remember having ever been in a court room before and I was intimidated by how superior it all looked. I could hardly think straight and I sat down in the back before I fainted. The judge ordered all non-family out of the room and then later he brought us back in. It seemed like a decision had been made when we returned but the judge asked me to state my name and why I was there. Trying desperately to remember my name, I said something like, "Uhh...my name is Jacquelyn Gavin and I am a non-relative family member and I am here to request that Summer be placed with us as her permanent placement home."

It was silent for a second and then the courtroom exploded in disbelief and shock. I kept staring at the judge in confusion trying to gauge his reaction to what I had said. I could hear the gasps and murmur's all around me. The judge rolled his eyes way up into his head and then he threw his arms up in the air.

Uh-oh.

It was becoming more apparent that the judge and attorneys knew nothing about us. The judge stopped everything and asked for clarification from all lawyers. I don't know how, but CPS had never mentioned us in any of the court documents. The only one who was being considered for placement was the aunt. Now the court would have to set a new placement hearing because new information (us) had been brought to the table. I could feel the hatred coming from Summer's parents as her dad finally understood who I was. The court set a hearing date for April 23, 2010. I was ordered to appear and be ready to testify at this hearing.

Cristal spoke with both parents afterwards and tried to use her influence to tell them how awesome we were and how happy Summer would be with us. Both parents said they wanted Summer to remain in the same foster home, because 1. they adored the foster mom and 2. dad planned on getting Summer back in a mere month or so. 

They must not have heard the part about the foster mom not wanting Summer.

hello.

Mom was not participating in the reunification plan because she wasn't cleaning herself up but she still had a say in who Summer went to live with.

Dad had been following the guidelines that CPS had set up for him for a whole 2 days, and he felt that he had a good chance of getting Summer back once he completed his program. Dad told Cristal that he had nothing against Sean and I personally, he just didn't know us and he wanted Summer to stay with the foster mom.

As we left, the reality began to set in. If I hadn't of gone to that trial, we would have never even been considered! I was furious at CPS! How could they not have even mentioned us as a possible placement? Where did all the information we had given them go? Where was out placement certificate!? What had happened?

We still don't know.

But we did know that God had put it on our hearts to go to that trial instead of listening to the advice of that social worker. And we had certainly turned the tables over on what would have been a cut-and-dried placement plan!

The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 5

After Summer lived with us for 5 days in November of 2009, her biological mom took her back. 

We immediately called CPS and filed a report with them, explaining all that had taken place. We were very concerned for Summer's safety and of course, we were sad for our loss. Our house was filled with baby stuff, and we had no baby. We gathered everything up and stuck it out in the garage. 

I still had several items belonging to Summer's mom, such as the stroller and her medical cards. The next day I tried calling her mom and so did Cristal. No answer. I sent her a text reminding her that I had her stuff and asking her if she wanted to meet me somewhere. I sure was not going back to those apartments.

Sean and I went to a movie that evening and it was in the middle of the movie that Summer's mom texted me and told me that she didn't need the stuff anymore because CPS had taken Summer away from her that day.

When I read this text I had to call CPS immediately and remind them that Summer had been living with us and see if she could be placed  with us instead going to a foster home. There was no time to loose!

I jumped out of my seat and began running down the stairs in the dark theater, trying to find the door that exited into the lobby. I was so flustered that I picked the wrong door and ran out the emergency exit. A gust of icy wind hit me and I suddenly found my self outside the theater in the back alley. Of course the door shut and locked behind me. 

Great.

I beat on the door but apparently no one could hear and Sean must not have seen what happened because he never came to open the door. I called CPS as I ran all the way around the building, in the freezing weather, to the front doors of the theater. 

CPS took a report based on my frantic plea and said they would pass on the information to a social worker Monday morning. 

Monday morning??!!! This was Friday! We couldn't wait that long!

How naive we were then about the speed in which CPS operates.

Summer's mom must have been drinking that night because she began texting and calling to curse at me. She brought up something perfectly innocent that I had said days ago and she screamed at me for disrespecting her. She demanded that I give her stuff back to her that night and she kept cursing and raving about crazy stuff. I tried briefly to reason with her but finally, right before I shut my phone off, I told her I would be giving Summer's belongings to CPS instead of her.

It took me a while to explain to several employees that even though I did not have my ticket stub, I really had purchased a ticket earlier and I needed to get back inside to find my husband.

45 minutes later, emotionally shaken and freezing cold, I collapsed in my seat next to Sean and he whispers to me, "That was the wrong door you went out earlier."  

Ya' think!?

(It was many months later before we found out that the Thursday night Summer's mom took her back, Summer was shaken and suffered Shaken Baby Syndrome. CPS took custody of Summer when her mom cursed out the judge during a review hearing and she tried to leave the building with the baby. Summer was hospitalized and went through many different MRI's and testing to see if there was any lasting brain damage.)

Monday morning I was back on the phone to CPS to get the name of her social worker so I could call her directly. After several days, CPS finally returned my call and I explained everything to the intake worker who called. She was very nice and took down a lot of our information. She said Summer was in foster care and that she would not personally be handling Summer's case but she gave me the name of the worker who would be. 

We were relieved to hear that Summer wasn't given to the mother's aunt who was filing for guardianship.

I called the new worker directly and introduced myself.

This worker was very suspicious of us and she demanded that I bring Summer's belongings to the office immediately. I wanted to see if we could at least get visitation while Summer was staying in foster care, but she said there would be no visitations and she would contact me when they had everything straightened out. I tried asking her questions about Summer and she cut me off and refused to tell me anything. As she was hanging up on me, I told her again that we had an emotional interest in Summer and we wanted her placed with us. The worker asked if we were related to her and I said no. She told me that there were already relatives applying for guardianship and relatives have first priority for placement or adoption. I reminded her that Summer had lived with us, and not any of her relatives. She told us we could try to apply as a non-relative caregiver but there were no guarantees. 

 I made copies of Summer's medical cards and the letter that Summer's mom had written me and I included these documents in Summer's belongings and left them at the CPS office in care of the worker.

(Later we found out that the envelope I left for the worker marked CONFIDENTIAL was mistakenly given back to the mom! Summer's mom was delighted because she thought that she now held the only copy of that letter. She changed her story and denied that she ever gave us permission to take Summer. Thankfully I had made copies of the letter and documented everything, which was going to be crucial later on.)

A few days after Thanksgiving 2009, CPS called us and asked us to begin the placement process by getting Livescan's done. We had already done this for CPS a few months prior but we did them again assuming CPS had lost our old ones.

Around Christmas time, a home inspection worker came out and inspected our home. The standards were much less than we had gone through for foster care, so we were over-the-top prepared. This time our home was being inspected as a relative caregiver's home. If approved, we would not be allowed to foster multiple children, but we would be approved to foster Summer.  

Days after this home inspection, we received a letter in the mail, addressed by the original two women who denied us previously. 

The letter said that we were denied again.

Our hearts dropped. How did they find out we were trying to have Summer placed with us?  

This was finally the end. We had done everything we could for Summer and we could go no further.

With nothing to loose, we decided to make one final call to the lady who had just inspected our home and ask her why we were still being denied? I just wanted someone to confirm to me verbally why we were being blacklisted.

This worker had no clue what we were talking about. She said our home had passed inspection just fine. She had no knowledge of any letter.

We were mystified now. What was going on?

It turns out that because it takes CPS so long to do anything, we were just now receiving our formal denial letter from 9 months ago. The letter we received was from our past ordeal and it had nothing to do with our current process for Summer. 

We weren't denied after all!

Not only that, but we were now part of an entirely different division of CPS and they were not allowed to transfer records from one department to another. That's why we had to do our Livescan's all over again.

It was like we were brand new to the whole process, our past file could never be accessed by the Non-Relative Kinship Placement division. Mr. Spoon had been cast into the sea of forgetfulness!

God was so good! He let us in the back door of CPS, right under the noses of those who had turned us down!

The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 4

Just recently Dylan's teacher called us in for our annual parent/teacher conference. We sat down across from him and exchanged pleasantries before he got down to business. "Mr. and Mrs. Gavin, your son has been telling us all a very interesting story. Dylan claims that you got his baby sister from Wal-Mart. Is this true??" Sean and I look at each other and we begin to laugh.....

November 15th, 2009

I arrived home that Sunday afternoon and carried Baby Summer into the house. The kids exploded with excitement. "You got us a baby!!??" "Cool!!!" "What's her name?" "Can we keep her?" "Put her down! I want to hold her!" "Can she sleep in my room?" 
I had not told the children anything about Summer, and so all they knew was that I had gone to Wal-Mart and returned with a baby.

Sean and I just looked at each other. 

I smiled my best get-out-of-trouble smile.

Sean gave me "the look".

First things first. 

"We need to go to Target."  I say.

We had long ago given away all of Jubilee's baby items knowing that if I got pregnant again, the least of my worries would be buying all new baby stuff. 

I began to make some phone calls and within a short amount of time, friends and family began to flood us with much needed items. A crib was procured, baby clothes, baby toys and crib bedding arrived at our house. We loaded up all 4 kids into the truck for the first time, Summer still screaming, and we went to Target to purchase basic essentials. We left there spending over $300.00 just buying the bare minimum of baby items. Unlike a traditional pregnancy, we had to go from 0 to baby in a few hours instead of 9 months.

That evening was an absolutely exhausting, emotional ride. We both worked and suddenly I had to secure childcare for an extra child. We had people calling and bringing baby stuff over all evening. Our front room was filled with items as we tried to rearrange Jubilee's bedroom to fit another crib and dresser. Summer was trying to adapt to our dogs, which frightened her, and our children who smothered her. Summer's mother called that evening, several times, and she sounded drunk. She insisted on talking to Summer on the phone and she was wondering why Summer was crying so much. I told her she was still in pain from her diaper rash and infection and I would take her to the doctor tomorrow.

I had an idealistic picture of bedtime and I looked forward to the moment that we could give Summer a bath, dress her in her new soft pajamas and just rock her to sleep with a bottle. I wanted to hold her close and transfer peace to her troubled little system. I imagined looking into her gray eyes, stroking her soft cheek and telling her that she was safe now and that we loved her. I imagined her looking back into my eyes with thanksgiving, adoration and love.

 That daydream was extremely short lived. 

Summer had no interest in being cuddled, sang to, swaddled, touched or held. She arched her back and became stiff and irritated whenever we tried to hold her. She had probably always been forced to self-sooth herself and so rocking and being held by an adult was completely foreign to her. She would not hold still even for a minute, she was constantly moving. I made her an 8 oz. bottle and she drank it in a few minutes and cried for more. We quickly realized that she was in the habit of drinking multiple bottles whenever she cried.  She had no concept of being full. She seemed overweight for her age and she was unable to regulate her eating. She did not know when she was full. At this rate, her formula powder would be gone by morning. She was incapable of sleeping through the night without several bottles and she would not take a pacifier or respond positively to being held or rocked. We bought medicine for her bottom but she still wailed and flipped out whenever we changed her diaper.

It was a very long night. We finally brought Summer into our bed because the other kids could not sleep with her constant squealing. She woke up more times than any newborn in history and every time she wanted a bottle.

The reality of what we were doing had begun to sink in and I was very concerned about the legal aspect of us taking Summer in. I certainly did not want to involve CPS and risk reminding them of Mr. Spoon, but we did not want to get into trouble either. Ironically, my mom found "The Guardianship Book for California" in her collection of stationary stuff. She couldn't remember why she had even held onto it for so long, but it just happened to have all of the documents needed to file for guardianship and the rules and rights concerning these topics. I decided to begin documenting everything at this point in case we needed to "cover our assets".

The narrative of the next four days are from my original journals.

Monday, November 16th, 2009....

Today I called Summer's doctor and told them I was going to be bringing Summer in for her doctor appointment. They said she had an appointment already scheduled for Thursday. Summer's mom called this morning asking how Summer was doing. I called her back in the evening and mom asked if she could have Summer back for the weekend. I reminded her about church and so she asked if she could have Summer on Friday night and Saturday instead. I reluctantly agreed. Feeling anxious, I called Cristal and she gave me some encouragement, reminding me that this was the moms choice. I felt relieved that mom did not know where we lived and only had my phone numbers. I told Cristal I wanted to speak to a lawyer just for peace of mind. I am still very uncertain and so I guess we will just try to give Summer the best possible care while she is here. I'm afraid mom will not bring Summer back Saturday night. Only a few close family and friends know what is going on, everyone else thinks we are babysitting for a sick mom.

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

First thing this morning, Cristal calls me and says that after much prayer, she feels it would not be wise to let mom take Summer for the weekend. She said she would call mom and tell her that I will take her and Summer out for the day on Thursday instead, and we can go to the doctor together. While I was at work, Summer's mom called the house repeatedly and my mom, who was babysitting for me, talked to her at length, witnessing to her about Jesus and giving her words of hope. The mom said she had been out all day recycling for money to buy cigarettes. Later that night, Cristal called me wondering if I had told the mom that she could have Summer from Thursday to Sunday. I had said no such thing. Cristal called mom and reminded her that it was not safe for Summer to be with her while she was using drugs and drinking. While this conversation was taking place, mom was drinking as she talked to Cristal and she was having a party with some strange men. Mom begins to whine like a child who is told NO and Cristal reminds her that she will see Summer on Thursday. Mom reluctantly agrees. Last night Summer woke up many times and remained awake from 4am onward. Summer has huge aversions to being in a car seat. She will not sooth and she refuses to be in a high chair or anything that restrains her. We bought Summer some pacifiers but she hates them. We bought her a Bumbo seat and she hates that too. Summer's mom called the house three times today while I was at work. I am taking her out to lunch on Thursday and then to Summer's doctor appointment.

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Mom finally stopped calling last night. Summer went to bed without a bottle and she only woke up 5 times last night. Mom called at 1pm. Summer had been trying to pull to standing and had fallen down and she began to cry while mom was on the phone. Mom was angry and when I asked her if she was ready to go out to lunch tomorrow, she became even madder and she said we promised her she could have Summer on the weekend and now we were trying to keep her baby from her. She said she was going to take Summer for the entire day Thursday and spend the day with her own friends and go out without me. She blamed Cristal for taking Summer away from her just because "she had 2 beers". I tried to sooth her by saying that Cristal was concerned for Summer's protection and we were making progress with her night time routines and it would be best to keep them the same. Mom said she didn't need me to help her and she could protect Summer just fine. I tried to mollify her without success, because she seemed to be high on something. I hung up and had Cristal call her and when she did, mom was riding around on her bicycle "playing chicken" with cars in the middle of the road. Cristal agreed that we had to let mom take Summer on Thursday, and so I got directions to the new place mom was staying at and mom was back to being sweet and cordial again. Mom decided Summer did not need to go to the doctor so she canceled her appointment for Thursday. I asked mom if she needed me to bring Summer's stroller with me for her outing on Thursday but she said she already had one.  Summer has a lot of clothes now thanks to friends and family. Today Summer was riding in her car seat without crying! Later on in the evening, the mom called and said a CPS social worker would be picking up mom and baby on Thursday morning and driving them down the hill for a check up. Mom wanted to make sure I had Summer delivered to her apartment in the morning looking well cared for. She said she got a letter from Summer's daddy in the mail and he said to tell his baby he loved her and he would see her soon and mom is back with him again. I tell all this to Cristal and she apologizes that it doesn't seem to be working out as well as we had hoped. I am beginning to emotionally back out of this whole mess. Unless God does a miracle, I think this mom will just end up back with Summer and her looser, abusive boyfriend and I just don't want to be used and waste money and resources on a child who still has a mother who cares for her, even in a dysfunctional way. 

Thursday, November 18, 2009

Early this morning, mom calls and tells me the social worker is at the apartment and I need to get Summer over there as soon as possible. She said the worker wants to meet me. Mom tells me this long, confusing story about a confrontation between the CPS worker and the guy who owns the apartment and how the cops were called out and CPS wants to know where the baby is and so I better get over there now. Mom says I better not tell the CPS worker that I have been taking care of Summer. I call Cristal and we both agree that this is the perfect time to tell CPS everything that has happened and Cristal warns me to not cover for the mom, to show CPS the letter and to tell them everything that mom has been doing. I have a suspicion that I won't be seeing Summer again, so I pack her enough food and clothes to last her several days. Something tells me to keep her medical card, social security card and the original letter mom wrote. I get over to the mom's apartment in Apple Valley and it was the most hazardous, disgusting place I have ever seen. A creepy looking man that resembled Jabba the Hutt was puddled in a corner of the dark room, and there was scrap metal and demolished wood pieces all over the floor and backyard. The back sliding door was shattered and broken glass was everywhere. A mangy dog roamed around the rubble. Mom immediately grabbed Summer out of my arms and began to whine to me about how its my fault that Summer is in the system and I better not tell CPS that Summer was with me, and she said that for my information, CPS allows her to drink and so she will be allowed to keep Summer without my help now. I dialed Cristal's number without saying anything and handed the phone to mom. Cristal began to try and rationalize with her and mom got more agitated, setting Summer down on the floor in the glass and debris. I quickly picked her up and changed her dirty diaper while mom ranted and cried on the phone to Cristal. When she hung up, I asked where the CPS worker was who was supposed to be there and mom acted as if she had no clue what I was talking about. She told me to leave Summer's stuff there and to go away and she would call me to come get Summer at 5pm.

2:00 pm that same day...

Called mom to see if the social worker had arrived yet. Mom said she was currently down the hill with the CPS worker in the doctor office. She said she had to go take care of Summer now and she hung up.

5:00 pm....

Called mom to see if she was home yet. Phone is turned off. Called Cristal. Debating on calling CPS.

5:30 pm...

Mom won't answer Cristal's calls either. Cristal counsels me to just follow my heart, and it's up to me if I want to just let it go now or pursue it. Sean and I decide to call CPS and file a report, telling them everything.

Summer was gone.  
Even though I had done my best to guard my heart and I tried not to get attached to her or allow myself to believe that this crazy plan would have worked out, Sean and I were both devastated. So many people had invested their love and generosity by bringing us things for Summer and embracing her into our family. Now she was gone and I felt like a complete failure all over again. Sean and I sat on the couch, looking at all the baby paraphernalia Summer left behind and we held our confused children and wept.

The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 3

After receiving the call from Cristal, that Summer and her mother had been located, we met up at Wal-Mart to buy some things for the baby. 

We heard that Summer needed formula, because mom had currently been feeding her whole milk and pizza. 

We also got her diapers and medicine, because Summer supposedly had a bad diaper rash. 

We got her some warm clothes because we heard that she had no clothes. 

We also picked up a few things for the mom. 

I followed behind Cristal's car to a location far out in Adelanto. We arrived at a small, run down apartment that Summer and her mom were crashing at with some friends. I felt very uncomfortable and awkward going into this apartment because I felt that all the people lounging around were staring at us.

This is when I saw Summer for the first time. I didn't know what to expect because I had never asked Cristal if she was Caucasian, or Hispanic or African American.

Summer was buckled in her stroller and her mom had parked her in the corner of the room. Even though it was November, she was wearing a thin onsie and a pair of short coveralls. 

Cristal asked the tenants if we could borrow a back bedroom so we could talk privately. They gave us a nod and so we all went into a total strangers messy room and we sat on the floor as Cristal began to ask mom what had happened and how she was doing. This mom, who is in her middle 20's, has the mentality of a 13 to 15 year old, and in between tears, she told Cristal a long, sad story of her current circumstances and how she was going to jail because she got caught stealing, and many other sad events, including the story of how her parents forced her to use drugs and prostitute herself. 

Mom was bruised up from her recent beating at the hand of Summer's daddy, and she seemed to still be on some sort of drug. Summer's dad was in jail but he was scheduled to be released soon and so mom was frightened. She was also trying to keep Summer from being taken away by CPS. She already had an open file and CPS was currently monitoring her situation. Mom said she had no place to go and no way of taking Summer to her doctor appointments or buying formula and diapers. Mom was very despondent and listless. 

Cristal introduced me and told mom a little bit about us and our family and Cristal suggested that perhaps mom would consider letting Summer stay with us for a bit while she found herself a place to stay and got herself cleaned up. Mom said that her lesbian sister was already in the process of filing for the guardianship of Summer but mom did not want her sister to have custody of Summer. She said that the sister had accused mom of letting men change Summer's diapers for money. We were not sure if this was true or not, but Summer did have a very bad rash and yeast infection when I changed her diaper at the apartment. 

Mom went on to say that she wasn't going to let anyone take Summer away from her, and she had thought of running away to hide from CPS. Cristal assured mom that we wouldn't be taking Summer away and it was just a temporary solution so mom could get herself together. It was for Summer's safety because her dad was getting out of jail soon. At this point, mom, who had been in a haze for most of the conversation, seemed to perk up and have a moment of clarity as she began talking out loud of how she could maybe enroll in college if she didn't have Summer to take care of. She also commented that CPS would probably let her keep Summer if she saw that she was being cared for and had clothes and food. Cristal agreed and assured mom that Summer would be well taken care of and we would take Summer to the doctor right away.

All this time I had sat quietly.
After a short pause, Summer's mom agreed to let me take her home.

Mom sat up straighter and began to dry her tears. She asked if I would bring Summer back to her every weekend. Before I could answer, Cristal gently reminded mom that she needs to focus on her recovery right now and we would be taking Summer to church on the weekend. Mom, who used to go to church and was even baptized once, understood and seemed relieved that Summer would be going to church as well.

While this conversation was taking place, I had been changing baby Summer's diaper, making her some formula and playing with her on the floor. The dirty floor was covered in choking hazards. Pennies, cigarette butts, tabs and other things covered the floor. In the time I was there, I made a large pile on the bedroom night stand of items that Summer had put in her mouth as she was crawling on floor. 

Summer was so cute though. She was 7 months old and she had big gray eyes and short wispy blonde hair. She smiled a lot and she was very active. She had a little outie belly button, and I remember thinking how chunky her little thighs were compared to my kids' noodle-y limbs. Summer was in pain however, from her diaper area being so inflamed, and so she would smile and then she would cry. I gave her a bottle and she gulped it down in record time. I also gave her some Gerber puffs and she swallowed them without chewing.

Mom got up and began to locate Summer's social security and medical cards. Cristal asked mom to sign a letter giving Sean and I permission to care of her daughter and a medical release to be able to take her to the doctor. Mom readily agreed and handed over Summer's pertinent documents and signed the letter.

I don't even remember what I was thinking at this point, everything was happening so fast and all I could think about was getting the baby out of this environment.

Mom loaded up Summer's few belongings, which consisted of the clothes she was wearing, the letter, her medical cards, one pair of newborn shoes, a stroller, a car seat CPS had bought her, and 2 or 3 bottles. The rest of her belonging were the items we had just purchased at Wal-Mart. Mom gave me her cell number and then she buckled Summer's car seat into my Expedition, kissed her good-bye and told me she would call me later.
Mom had a bounce in her step now and she seemed to be almost giddy with relief. Cristal hugged her and spoke some words of encouragement to her and then Summer and I were driving away, heading back to my home.

As soon as Summer was buckled into the car seat, she began to arch her back and to scream an unnatural shrill scream, characteristic of babies who have been exposed to drugs in the womb. We believe that Summer had a major aversion to car seats because since she was born, she was always locked into a car seat or stroller while her mom did her own things, even at nighttime. Summer did not own a crib, even though a grandfather has supposedly bought her one. Summer was in a tremendous amount of pain from her bottom, and we found out later that she had tummy problems from her acidic pizza diet.
I could hear her flailing around in the back seat and I was shaking as I tried to drive home.  

Then my cell phone began to ring. 

It was Sean.

The conversation went something like this.

Phone: Ring. Ring.

Me: Uh, hi honey.

Sean: "Hey, I was just calling to see if you were on your way home yet...."

Me: Uh, Yes, I am definitely on my way home right now.

Sean: "So how did it go?  I was worried about you being over there in that neighborhood. Did the mom like the stuff you guys bought for her baby?"

Me: Awww, that's sweet of you to be worried about me, dear, I am quite safe. I'm not really sure if mom liked the baby stuff, she didn't really have anything to say about that topic in particular.

Sean: "Oh, really? So what did..."

Summer: WAHHHHHHHHHAAA-WWWWAAAAAAAAAA-WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Sean: "Is that the baby crying? Are you still at the apartment? I thought you said you were driving home now?"

Me: Uhh, Yes, that is the sound of the baby crying and I am on my way home, but uh, Sean, I have something to tell you...I kinda, sorta took the baby with me. Well to be more exact, the mom gave me the baby.

Sean: "WHAT!????!!! You WHAT!!????"

Summer: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Me: Honey, I can't really concentrate right now and I'm trying to drive and I can't hear you because the baby is crying so I will see you in a bit OK? I'm almost home and then we'll talk, OK???!

The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 2

In August of 2009, after God spoke to me in the car, I began to search my heart to better understand what our motives were for adopting. 

People generally reacted to our plan with puzzlement, why would we adopt when we could have and already had children? Like adoption was supposed to be used as a last resort. 

I had a hard time putting my motives into words...in a way I wanted to do something lifelong and meaningful before I died. Something that ideally, would change the life of another person for the good. I knew we had the capacity to love a child that was not biologically ours and so I felt it would be a waste to not act upon that love. We also knew God has blessed us with the room and finances to add another child so I don't think our motives were ever a result of trying to keep up with other families who had adopted because Angelina Jolie had been making adoption quite a trend around this time. I prayed constantly, "Lord, let our motives be pure, and if they are not, then prevent this from happening." 

We knew God would guide us to the best path but if God knew, in his infinite wisdom, that I was mentally incapable of caring for another  child, possibly one with special needs, then I wanted God 's will and not my own to be done.

In the last part of August 2009, I got a new job working with special needs children. I met my friend, and at that time, my supervisor Cristal. Even though she was my supervisor, we became close and chatted about many things. 

On October 13, 2009, while we were waiting for a home visit to begin, I casually mentioned to Cristal that we had wanted to adopt and I briefly vented to her about our frustrations with CPS. While I was still complaining, Cristal's entire face brightened up and she interrupted me in her excitement. "My niece just called me a few days ago asking me to take her baby!" Cristal said. 

"Oh yah?" says me.

"Yes!" She continues. "She is not really my niece, but a girl I have known since she was a child. She looks up to me as an aunt. She has used drugs since she was a young girl and she is still using drugs and she is just not capable of taking care of her poor baby. Her boyfriend, the baby's daddy, is getting out of prison and he is abusive so the mama, in fear for the baby's safety, is trying to find someone who will take care of her baby for a while. She sounds desperate but I couldn't take the baby when she called me and I felt bad that I had to tell mom no, but now that you mentioned to me that you have room in your home, then I can call her and tell her I have found someone who can take her baby! And who knows? Maybe she will let you adopt her!"

"Uh...ok. Um...Do you know how old the baby is and if it a boy or girl?" I ask.

"Its a girl, she is probably about 5 or 6 months old right now. I think her name is Summer. Mom used drugs throughout her pregnancy, but the baby doesn't seem to have any developmental problems. She makes good eye contact and she is meeting all her milestones."

"Well." I say. "Wow. Imagine that. That is just awful, I hope the baby is OK." 

Cristal, who was demonstrating way more enthusiasm at this point than I was, continues on, "I am going to call her. The minute we are out of this visit, I am going to call her back and see if CPS has taken the baby yet and I'm going to tell her I found a home for her baby and talk to her about you and your family and maybe she will make the choice to let you care for the baby, because she knows she can't take care of herself right now. That's just what I am going to do! I'm so glad you said something!"

I was really thinking, "ok, you do that" but I smiled politely and pretended that I was remotely optimistic. I had first hand knowledge of how CPS worked, and I knew for sure that no one had ever got a baby this way. It sounded borderline illegal. If those CPS women found out I was stealing some lady's baby, they would probably prosecute us!

True to her word, Cristal called the mom back but the number was disconnected. She took it a step further and went to her old apartment. The mom had moved. 

I thanked Cristal for trying and pretty much put the incident out of my mind. It was what I expected it to be, a far fetched plan that would never pan out. I called Sean and jokingly told him the conversation, but Sean was more interested that I thought he would be. I wrote him off as being crazy too.

Cristal, in the meantime, did not give up. She called old friends and left messages to have the mom call her.

Weeks went by and Cristal ran into some of the mom's friends. They reported that the mom had left baby Summer with them for several days and they finally made her come get the baby and take her back, but a short time later, the mom was calling them back and asking them to take Summer again because she wouldn't stop crying. We heard that the mom and baby were homeless and staying with random friends. We heard that the dad was back in prison for beating up the mom but no one could provide a number or an address to contact her. We heard that mom was still heavily using drugs.

At this point, Sean and I were mildly interested in the story because we could only imagine what the baby must be going through and we hoped that she was safe and not being abused. We prayed for this unknown baby Summer and we went on with our daily routines.

Then one Sunday afternoon, on November 15th, 2009, Cristal called me. 

"Summer's mom called me!!" Cristal says. "I have her number and her address now, she needs help and food and the baby is sick and she has no warm clothes, but mom wants to meet you, so do you want to come with me right now to where she is staying in Adelanto? We can stop at Wal-Mart on the way to buy her some stuff and then we can go talk to her, do you want to come along?"

"Uh, sure, I guess we can do that." I say.

I grab my keys and tell the family I'm going to run to Wal-Mart and I will be back in a bit.

"Take the Expedition..It has the car seat." Sean jokes as I head out the door.

The Wal-Mart Baby: Chapter 1

Shortly after the birth of our 3rd child, Jubilee, while we were still sleep deprived and post postpartum-ly depressed, Sean and I mutually decided that our family was complete and Sean immediately went under the knife and got the dream vasectomy he had been wanting for some time. As Jubilee grew, the abandoned adoption plan still lingered in my mind. I was still feeling hurt from our past experience and it seemed that everywhere we went, we kept hearing of successful adoption stories. I felt mildly frustrated and jealous. Here we wanted to open our home, and there were children just sitting in foster homes waiting for parents, and yet we get denied? How is that even ethical? We began to imagine how sweet it would be to have 2 girls and 2 boys. 

So around the summer of 2008 we decided to put the past behind us and apply again, this time directly with the County of San Bernardino. All the things we had heard about county adoptions painted a grim picture but we resigned ourselves to wait a long time if it meant getting a baby girl. 

The process begins by becoming approved as foster parents first, and then you are put on a list and you wait for an adoptable child to come along which matches your request. We started the long process of background checks, live scanning, TB testing, home inspections, reference checks, personal history, medical history, and the list went on. We began our mandatory parenting classes, going every Saturday, all day long for several months. When we completed the final parenting class we were then allowed to begin the final step of approval, the home study! We were so excited! After many months of paperwork, we had one last step to becoming approved at last! 

This was April of 2009 and we felt so certain that God was going to bless us with a child, that we began to pray everyday for our future baby. We did some estimations that if we waited on a list for 2 or 3 years for a baby or young toddler, then our baby was probably being conceived right around April of 2009. So we prayed for this unknown child which we were certain God was going to bring to us eventually. We prayed for God to keep our baby safe and healthy.

The day before our long awaited home study interview and final home inspection, we received a phone call from CPS saying they were going to come to our home to speak with us about a serious problem they revealed in our file. The 2 women who came out were the directors of the approval process in their respective areas. They were very serious and from the looks on their faces, they were not happy with us. 

The women got right to the point. 

Our home was denied because CPS had seen a wooden paddle hanging on the wall in our kitchen. 

It was actually a wooden spoon.
With a face drawn on the spoon part.
And he was named Mr. Spoon.
And he made everyone laugh and rarely had he ever come in contact with anyone's bottom but he was hanging there in full view, and CPS was not amused. 

We had always looked to Christian psychologist, Dr. James Dobson for our parenting advise, and Dr. Dobson recommended only using a paddle if you spank your kids and never use your hand. That way the child would never fear that they would be hit by a parent out of the blue, and the parent could never react out of anger. Parents would be required to go get the paddle and it would be the tool for correction, not the parent. This made perfect sense to us and we tried to explain this reasoning to the ladies from CPS but they had a strong disgust for Christianity that was clearly evident and offensive to us. The told us that spanking was abusive and they said that they doubted we would ever be allowed to adopt because spanking was our "religious belief" and not a product of ignorance that a simple parenting class could remedy. They believed that we were unfit to ever adopt a child because we were Christians. So CPS recommend that we take a few years to attend as many Love and Logic classes as possible and if we could prove to CPS that we no longer believed in spanking, and we modified some other areas of our life, and we got rid of Mr. Spoon, then we could reapply in nothing less than 2 years time. They even went so far as to leave us with the warning that if we did not quit using the spoon then we could possibly loose out own children. I began crying when they were here because I was so upset and offended at the way the system worked, we were being discriminated against because of our beliefs and there was nothing we could do about it.

In the months that followed, I became very angry and cynical. My anger was targeted mainly at contemporary, "celebrity" Christians, like Steven Curtis Chapman, who had adopted a billion kids just because he had money and connections, and he would constantly spread the message to other Christians to adopt, and it was making me furious.  
Easy for him to say!
Hadn't we done everything we could to adopt? Maybe if Mr. Chapman had been honest with his social worker then he wouldn't have been so successful in his home study either.  If we weren't allowed to adopt because of our faith, then how were so many other so-called Christian's adopting when we all believe the same way? Something was wrong with the whole picture and the bitterness in me grew.

Then one day, in August of 2009, as I was driving to work, my Sirius radio lost reception and a Christian talk radio came through on the air waves.
The topic was (guess what?) Adoption. The host was interviewing a woooonderful, Christian (sure) couple who had sooooo generously opened their home to 5 (or was it 19?) Russian orphans (at $85K each!?) and they were launching their latest fundraiser (drug cartel?) to bring home another orphan, (19 orphans and no Mr. Spoon? who are they kidding...) 

It was this moment that I completely lost it. 

I began to sob and I began yelling upwards, "Why!!!??? Why can they adopt multiples and we can't adopt even 1?? What did I do wrong!!!!?? What am I currently doing wrong??? What is wrong with us!!? God you TOLD us to care for the orphans, and you have put a burden on my heart to adopt but You won't let it happen!!! WHY, WHY, WHY....." and it was in the middle of my breakdown that I heard an audible voice say to me, "I KNOW." 

That was it. 

I know. 

God knew. He told me he knew. He spoke to me in the middle of my frustration and I stopped crying. I had such an amazing, instant feeling of peace inside me. I no longer hated Steven Curtis Chapman. I was even happy for the Russian drug dealers on the radio. Everything in that moment changed and I was able to rest in the knowledge that God knew. And to me that meant, I am aware of the problem and I will fix it. Stop looking at everyone else, I know what you want, I am God and I am handling your situation.

The Wal-Mart Baby: Prologue

With the recent victory won in our journey with Summer, it appears that our dream of adoption is going to come true. However, I realized that, even though this has been the biggest, most visible miracle of God in our life to date, I have not shared the details with too many people. Partially as a defense mechanism to protect my heart from becoming too excited, and partially because the story is so bizarre, it is very hard to casually tell someone bits and pieces of the story. But now I want everyone to rejoice with us, having the full knowledge of the events that took place so that God may be glorified because His hand was evident in every move. And it's quite a remarkable story.

So with that said, I want to take the opportunity to relay, over the next several posts, the miraculous story of our "Wal-Mart Baby".

Prologue:

Our desire to adopt a baby officially began back in 2004, before Jubilee was even conceived. We had always felt that a Christian family should adopt an orphan if possible because God encourages us in the Bible to care for orphans and we are all adopted into the family of God when we become Christian's so it was a natural choice for us to make. Besides, after having 2 boys and not wanting to risk having a third male child, we decided we really should adopt a baby girl before things got out of hand. We researched all three types of adoption: Foreign, Domestic and County and we were pretty certain that we wanted to pursue a foreign adoption because it was the most guaranteed. Domestic and County adoptions were very risky, and you could potentially invested a lot of time and emotions into a child that could be taken away any time at the whim of the biological parents. Foreign adoption was more expensive but it was a done deal when it was all finalized. We spent several months researching many different foreign adoption companies and deciding on the country we wanted to adopt from. While researching the prices and programs, we discovered that we were too young to adopt from most countries, China said you had to be 35 to adopt, and so Russia or the Ukraine was our only country options, to the tune of $65 to $85 thousand dollars. This figure did not phase us to much because we knew it was a several year process and we would have opportunities to save money, fund raise, or apply for loans and grants specifically set up for adoptions. We were excited to get started and we began preparing our application, but whenever we got ready to pay the $200 application fee to set things in official motion, something always held us back. I just didn't feel confidant that we were making the right choice. I knew God was able to provide the finances, but I was afraid we would get half way through the process and not be able to finish. Because money was a huge factor, we began looking at the option of San Bernardino County foster-adoption which was free, but we were told that young baby girls were impossible to request, and it would be about a 5 year wait for a baby or toddler, that did not have severe problems. We decided, however, to begin the process anyways and it could at least be working in the background while we decided which type of adoption we were going to officially commit our self to. We applied with a local agency called Olive Crest. After a preliminary screening, they determined  that Sean and I would have to attend 6 months of marital counseling to ensure that we were a committed couple. We were allowed to do 3 months of Christian counseling but the other 3 months had to be with a clinical psychologist. We reluctantly agreed and we did benefit greatly from the Christian counseling but the other psychologist was huge waste of time and money. Once we finished the 6 months of counseling, we reapplied to Olive Crest but after further consideration, they denied our adoption paperwork again.  Heartbroken and bewildered, we decided to try another agency in April of 2005 but we soon discovered that we were going to have another baby. Not wanting to be a mother of 4, we put aside our dream of adopting and focused on welcoming our baby girl, Jubilee into our lives. We were delighted that we had our 2 boys and my long awaited darling girl, and so our family of 5 was complete. We thanked God for prevented us from starting the foreign adoption process and we felt that we understood now why we were denied through Olive Crest. We agreed that God must have known we were going to be having a baby girl. Little did we know that God did know Jubilee was on her way but He also had other plans for us later on down the road.